I actually liked her kid, and if shed just said she needed a sitter instead of tricking me into it, I wouldnt have minded babysitting.I ended up filling that child with sugar and caffeinated soda (he had a grand time), and forever answering Im so busy, ugh to all future questions about my plans. So finding out if you have plans at a given time becomes an underhanded way of tricking you into agreeing to something, like LW mentions in point number 2. Her Kid: *rings doorbell* again my mum says shall we wait for you? Okay, there is something a bit screwy with this guy. So, when I do this I really am trying to get a feel for whether a busy people-pleaser like my Sis actually has time to do something on Saturday, rather than outright asking from the start and leading to her twisting herself into a pretzel trying to free up that specific block of time for me because she doesnt want to say no, Reading the LWs feelings about this situation and the comments, I can totally understand why someone would hate being asked in this way and why it might make it harder for some people to refuse something they dont want to do after theyve said theyre free, but Im still not quite sure what the solution is when dealing with someone who usually *does* seem to treat invitations as subpoenas. ? comments. For a close friend, you could answer more literally. No one asks or cares, but its as vague as the original request and helps facilitate the DELAY! tactic the Captain talks about. This applies in other areas of life too. Speaking about sudden change of moods and plans, and friends getting you: Several years ago, at the phone, ten minutes before a scheduled meeting with my friends in a pub to watch the incoming results of the Brexit referendum. I know this is a small complaint, in the grand scheme of things, and I usually handle it by changing the subject to something Im interested in if I *do* feel like conversing. I think LW is unable to separate people doing something that they personally find annoying, and people intentionally trying to annoy them. But most native speakers will still answer with the single word "Good.". But that was fun and consensual for both parties. Doesnt work with friends / family obviously, but I have to consult my husband every single time when it comes to sales pitches / offers in retail / invitations from strangers etc. I read that post all the time. As unfathomable as it is to me to want to be out and about with other humans pretty much every night, it is unfathomable to them to want to spend a whole weekend under a blanket with a book. I tell her every chance I get that Im grateful for all the emotional labor she does with categorizing her friend groups. Thats my go-to when someone asks me what I am doing at some point in the near future. If you are an academic assigning my posts in your courses, Id appreciate an email with a copy of the relevant syllabus/assignment for my records/CV. And I try to be easier on myself for not having more exciting weekend plans. I think that with my previous friend group culture, a sorry, Im REALLY busy for the next few weeks gets taken personally as Im too busy to maintain our relationship, even though Im trying to, um, not be homeless? Later that evening I find out through facebook that HE went out ice skating, with several of our friends, and he had never even mentioned to me that he was going, let alone asked if I wanted to come too! I completely get anything to do with joint maintenance of shared space responsibilities for shared spaces need to be clearly shared out and individuals need to do their share. Eventually I got consistent work as a freelancer, something I could do from home even when I was in pain or needed oxygen etc. Oh you want to invite me to happy hour [with a bunch of colleagues I hate when theyre sober let alone when theyre drunk]? Feel free to say no if youre busy/dont want to, usually leads to assurances that she *totally* does want to hang out, Saturday is great, etc. 2. My friends do it alllll the time. I get that I might not be asked to future events as well. If an acquaintance asks How are you? and I answer and ask back like I do at home, am I way off? They may just be an indirect communicator, and Hey, want to go have dinner might feel too abrupt without any conversational preamble. LW, this struck me as a pretty extreme response. Im relearning advanced math as an adult because it seems fun and Im bitter that I grew up in an atmosphere that discouraged me from learning. Me? What Will You Do This Weekend? - englishforums.com FRIEND: I am available [date]! 2. (If they meant the invitation) Them : OH! Because this is very much a dumb conversation filler question and its not going to go away anytime soon. Copyright 2011 thru 2023 Jennifer Peepas, all rights reserved. Unless your friends are kind of jerks they wont interrogate you about your exact schedule. Oh, surviving, surviving. Them : Ah, then Ill get back to you (They never get back to you). Theyre almost certainly not trying to pry into information you consider private! I suppose its more of an emotional labor thing? What are you doing?, Unless Im doing something unusual, its true; its wonderfully vague and gives no information; and I get to immediately turn the question back on the asker (which often leads to a better conversation anyway.). So that golden rule requires a bit of pre-invitation sounding-out. And I had to say to her, over the airport thing: Act like a grownup. Oh, the usual, you? Ive spent some time in California and I never really know how to respond correctly. Its a little more inconvenient to go to a different branch, but I do that sometimes, or mobile banking or attempt to time it so that I end up with another teller. On the other end, I have a tactic for weekend planning. In ways that I doubt he even always notices. I hate ditherers with the passion of a thousand suns. Can't complain. I want to ask you to help me with a project tonight. Spot on, thank you. Hi / hello + [thing I want to talk about] can almost seem too abrupt in that context, particularly among peers. For example, when Sean Hayes started to sing "beautifully" on the show, Ellen said, "Ok, we have to take a break.". I would actually be pretty weirded out by a friend who a) felt this was genuinely intrusive BUT b) also would not actually tell me they felt this was too intrusive. Its the same here. 13 "It was so relaxing. There were several problems that led to the death of that relationship, but communication (on both sides) was for sure one of them. Thats a great answer! Try to be kind and positive in your response. 2. And then I would walk away thinking that was a really awkward conversation and wonder if that person didnt like me or was fishing for an invitation to something or what. I slept for twelve minutes while perching on top of my desk like a bird! I know whats best for me. If they continue after that, theyre super pushy and rude and Ill say as much. If they want to invite me to something Im interested in and available for, I can say yes, and if its something I cant do, I can say I have other plans, etc without it sounding weird. Julia has been . (Right Now): What are you doing sometimes means at the very present in which activity are you involved in? On the other hand, there are the problem/dominance-related ones: 1. 2. If you have a faaaaaaaamlyyyyyyyyyyyyyy culture where not providing free labor on demand for family makes you the jerk, lean in to it and accept the mantle of jerk; this frees you from ever needing to try to avoid that label in the future. Why does it need taking care of?? Even if its only logistically. ), Anyway, that wont do the job. This one calls for what I call the Gladys response, because I saw it articulated by a woman named Gladys. All right, good, fine, grand are the normal answers, and then its repeated back. Not blond but like superwhite. No, just running some errands. Funny Responses to "How Are You?" that will make people laugh Science of People 815K subscribers Subscribe 3K Share 53K views 7 months ago #vanessavanedwards #conversation #communication How. Umm.pardon me, I wasn't listening. #1078: "Sooooooowhat are you doing this weekend?" (Women with STEM doctorates especially get constant streamers of this kind of contempt from their families.). Humor is one of the best ways to respond to being asked out, as long as it's well-received. Nothing too exciting, Ive got a bunch of things on my to-do list. Which is honest at least. I myself often do not care what Im eating because FOOD, but even if I have zero preference as to the restaurant, I will engage in the decision making process in order to help the other person out, and also because it gets us to food that much faster. Flip the question back on them. Brief excerpts (<250 words) may be shared with attribution & a link to the original post. Im not talking about not dealing with this. At the same time, someone can just say oh not much if they dont wanna share, which is what I do if my plans that night are private eg therapy. Tucker makes the case that there is a war against Christians happening in America on 'Tucker Carlson Tonight:' TUCKER CARLSON: You always imagine in your mind's eye that it's evil men who destroy . Another get out the LW could use is, Im still figuring out my plans for that daywas there something you wanted us to do together? and then Yes, thatll work, if you want to do the thing, or Hm, I dont think I can fit that in, if you dontno need to specify that the thing that it wont fit into is a day of sitting around in your pajamas and binge-watching things on Netflix. You're confident and independent, but you still overthink this kind of stuff. WHAT WILL YOU DO AT THE WEEKEND?? Can we not use spaz/spazzy, please? Ive got a couple things going, do you have any plans? Hence the claim some of your time, or even the if youre available as a way to say, you have to have solid plans if youre going to tell me no; you cant just say you dont want to do it.. It changed how I felt about her for a long time. In fact there the joke of cant do that, I have to.. (silly excuse of having plans like go wash my hair) that day illustrating that sometimes the white lie of making up plans is an easy way to get out of doing something. 5 Better Responses to "How Are You?" Than "Busy" - The Muse What are you doing Saturday? might be an attempt to be extra polite about making an invitation, but it only works if the person wants to accept, and its only necessary if the person is too shy to say no.
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